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An Out-of-Control Diet

Dear Annie: One day a few months ago, my 15-year-old daughter got into the car after school with bloodshot eyes and red cheeks. I could tell she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong. At first, she said nothing. Then, with some gentle prying, she burst into tears and said, “Jason came up to me at lunch and said, ‘Nancy, you would be really pretty if you lost some weight.'” As she relived the story, tears welled up in her eyes again. “Mom, I really want to lose weight. I am so tired of being picked last at gym because I can’t run as fast as the other kids. Please help me.”

My sister had just lost 30 pounds at a local diet center. I quickly went online and signed Nancy and myself up. Although I only had a few pounds to lose, I wanted to do the program with her so that we could make the necessary eating habit changes together. Our first meeting was at the same type of center. Nancy weighed in 25 pounds overweight. We learned tips for healthy eating and the importance of daily exercise. We heard women’s success stories of losing over 100 pounds. When we got in the car, we were both excited to start losing weight.

We began writing down everything we ate in a food diary and would make all sorts of delicious veggie dishes we could snack on all day. Every evening, we would take our dog out for long walks for exercise. It was a great bonding experience.

Week after week, Nancy and I were losing weight. She was feeling more and more confident and even told me that Jason had asked her to go to a party with him. After about 12 weeks, she and I reached our goal weight and were instructed to begin the maintenance program.

I began to adjust my daily food intake for maintenance, but Nancy did not. At the next weigh-in, she had dropped another 3 pounds, which was below her healthy weight. When I told her that she could eat a little more, she became very defensive and said she was still heavy and overweight. I reminded her to look at the number on the scale.

During the following weeks, she was eating less and less. She said she was not losing fast enough. It was then that I noticed she had basically stopped eating. She would just move food around her plate. She now refused to go back to the diet center meetings. She was wasting away. I didn’t know what to do. I took her to the pediatrician for a checkup. He told me that Nancy had the early signs of anorexia nervosa.

I was so upset. I felt as if the whole thing was my fault. I should never have taken her to the diet center. I should never have dieted alongside her. Did I contribute to this disorder? — Regretful Mother

Dear Regretful: Jason sounds like a shallow jerk, and I’d discourage your daughter from spending any more time with him. But don’t beat yourself up about what you might have done differently. You took action to try to help your daughter, which proves you care. That love and support is what’s going to help get her better.

Ask your pediatrician for a recommendation of a therapist who works with girls suffering from body image problems. There are many great organizations that offer help. One of my favorites is The Renfrew Center, which can be reached at 800-RENFREW.

With professional help and your continued support, your daughter can come to love and accept herself so the next time a guy says she’d “be so pretty if,” she has the self-confidence to stop him there.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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