Husband Is Affectionate Only in Bed
DEAR ABBY: I recently got married to a wonderful man who is 19 years younger than I am. He’s the love of my life. The problem is, he sleeps totally on one side of the bed and isn’t affectionate at night except when we are making love. Then he is amazing — affectionate, sensitive, and very attentive and kind.
He says his mother was very cold toward him, and he was reared by his grandparents, who loved him, but were not “touchy-feely.” He treats me like a queen, Abby. Should I just forget about it and be content sleeping un-hugged and un-held all night? — ON MY SIDE IN MARYLAND
DEAR ON YOUR SIDE: No, you should talk to your husband and explain what your needs are. Although the sex is wonderful, many people — of both sexes, by the way — need to feel the warmth of human contact. Because he treats you like a queen, tell him you need more, and perhaps he will make more of an effort on your side of the bed and outside the bedroom.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy drinking wine. Because of our busy schedule, we often stock up when there is a sale for the sake of convenience. I cannot tell you how many times the cashier at the grocery or discount store will comment, “Are you having a party?” or “Boy, you sure do drink a lot of wine.” As a customer, I find this both rude and embarrassing. Do you have any advice on how to respond to let them know that I find this to be poor customer service? — SHY WINE LOVER
DEAR SHY: Cashiers in retail businesses are on the front lines of public relations. It’s important to keep in mind that when they make conversation, they are trying to be friendly. Because you are buying alcohol in quantity, it’s not unusual for someone to think you are having a party, and the question isn’t rude. All you have to do is say no.
However, if the clerk comments about the amount of wine he or she assumes you are consuming, you are perfectly within your rights to tell that person the comment is inappropriate and, frankly, offensive.
DEAR ABBY: I have developed romantic feelings toward a close friend. They are affecting my ability to be a good friend to her. If I say something, I risk losing someone I am very close to, but if I don’t, I may continue to push her away. I have been stuck in limbo for a while. What would you do? — A FRIEND IN LOVE
DEAR FRIEND: The friendship as it stands must be painful for you. Keeping silent will only prolong those feelings. It’s time to tell your friend how you feel. You will never know if your feelings are reciprocated unless you do. However, if they aren’t, it might be healthier for you to move on so you can find someone who is able to return your feelings.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)