Man Must Choose
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have two beautiful children. I recently found out that for the last two years, he has been having an affair, and his mistress is now three months pregnant.
When I confronted him about the situation, he claimed he doesn’t know what to do. I have told him I’m willing to work things out and be supportive of the child, but the affair has to stop. The problem is, he’s having a hard time letting go. He says he’s in love with both of us.
I love my husband deeply and do not want to throw it all away for a mistake that I, too, once made. I know his mistress wants to be with him and has been slowly working her way into his life. Please give me some advice. — LOST IN LOVE IN HOUSTON
DEAR LOST: Insist that you and your husband talk with a licensed marriage and family therapist to see if you can get your marriage back on track. While it may be possible to be in love with two women at the same time, here in the USA plural marriage is frowned upon.
Texas, thank the Lord, is a community property state, so it’s important that you understand what that will mean to you and your children financially should a divorce become necessary. Discuss this with a lawyer, so you know your options.
Your husband KNOWS what he should do; he just doesn’t want to do it. Trust me on that.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 53-year-old man, twice divorced, raising a 16-year-old son as a single parent. I have been dating a woman with the same history, but her children are grown. Both of us are alcoholics. We are best friends, or at least drinking buddies. At least, we were.
Recently, she has experienced the deaths of a sibling and her ex-husband. Now she feels I don’t give her enough attention. How can I convince her that I love her more than ever, but my free time needs to go to my son? In the past, our bar time would suffice, but lately she needs more. What should I do? — SHE WANTS MORE IN OHIO
DEAR SHE WANTS: I understand your drinking buddy wants more, but your first responsibility must be to your teenaged son. She may not like what I have to say, but I hope you will take it to heart. You would be a better father — and a better partner, if you’re so inclined — if you were sober. Alcoholics Anonymous can help you achieve sobriety if you reach out to them. You can find a meeting online at aa.org. Then, be a “best friend” to your lady by telling her she could find the support and companionship she’s desperate to experience by attending meetings at AA herself. Perhaps you could attend together instead of going to the bar. It would be a win-win for all three of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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