Falling For A Female Friend Upends Her Life
DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman. I have been married to my husband for 28 years and never cheated. We have a good life together, and our sex life has always been great, but I have recently fallen in love with another woman.
I haven’t told anyone, not even her. She has made several comments and advances toward me, but she frequently makes comments like, “I don’t swim in the lady pond.”
The two of us recently went out of town together. When she kissed me on my neck, I pulled away and nothing more happened. I am positive that if I hadn’t, something would have happened.
I feel like I’m going crazy because I think about her every minute. We talk on the phone several times a day. She’s married (to a man) and has been for 30 years. Is it possible for two straight women to suddenly fall in love with each other? Should I tell her how I feel? Please help me. I’m confused, lost and in turmoil. — FALLING IN LOVE
DEAR FALLING: Yes, it is possible for members of both sexes to become attracted to someone of the same sex and fall in love. Have an honest conversation with the woman. Tell her you are confused about what happened on the trip. I’m not sure she was completely honest about her “swimming” habits, but you may or may not be the first woman she has become attracted to.
I hesitate to advise what steps to take beyond that since you are both in longtime, committed relationships. Much will depend upon what she has to say.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We are the same age and have children from previous marriages. His are teenagers, and I have twin boys at home who are 6. Early on we discussed blending our families.
Although he has been eager to be a part of my life and my family, he has been less than enthusiastic about opening up his own life to me. He takes vacations with his children and leaves me out. He also travels alone to places we have discussed going to together. If I say anything, he accuses me of being selfish. But if I plan anything with my own children, he always expects to be included.
I’m getting fed up with it. I feel resentful living on the fringes of his world, while he expects to be at the center of mine. Am I selfish, or do I have a legitimate complaint? — OFF BALANCE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR OFF BALANCE: You and your boyfriend should both be spending some separate vacation time with your children, but not to the exclusion of each other. That he would take trips you had planned together without you seems peculiar, and I don’t think you are selfish to be bothered by it.
Although you have been seeing each other for two years, he does not appear to be anywhere near ready to jump into the kind of relationship you are wishing for. You do have a legitimate complaint. Continue the discussion about this because something does appear to be off balance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.