Lump of Coal Is Right for Obama
As a public service to those of you who haven’t finished your Christmas shopping for the politicians on your gift list, here are some suggestions:
– President Barack Obama – A lump of coal, and not just for the obvious reason.
– As president of the United States, Obama deserves more for Christmas – A way to blame Obamacare on former President George W. Bush, someone at the State Department who will swear to first lady Michelle Obama that he advised her husband it is critical to U.S. strategic interests to have close ties with the prime minister of Denmark, and a way to persuade Americans that it was just a slip of the tongue when he promised them more than four dozen times that if they liked their insurance …
– U.S. Sen. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va. – A couple of weeks back here in the civilized world.
– U.S. Rep. David McKinley, R-W.Va. – A few days of not having to explain why he voted against allowing government spending to go back up.
– Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius – Another major malfunction at www.healthcare.gov, so people will stop paying attention to the rest of Obamacare.
– Hillary Clinton – A way to break the news to Joe Biden gently.
– Joe Biden – A way to convince Hillary Clinton to make history by attempting to make him the only three-term vice president in history.
– W.Va. Gov. Earl Ray Tomblin -A Christmas miracle in the form of figures showing state revenue was above projections in December.
– Wheeling Mayor Andy McKenzie – Santa Claus dropping down the chimney with enough money to complete the East Wheeling project.
– Benwood officials – Someone to demolish the Bellaire Bridge.
– Ohio Gov. John Kasich -The good grace not to laugh at Democrat efforts to unseat him next year.
– Ohio County commissioners and county Administrator Greg Stewart – A way to fund a new access road to The Highlands from Interstate 70, without having to ask the state Division of Highways for money it doesn’t have.
– Belmont County commissioners – Peace and joy among themselves.
– U.S. Rep. Shelley Capito, R-W.Va. – In her race for the U.S. Senate, more of the same from the White House on health care and the coal industry.
– W.Va. Secretary of State Natalie Tennant – In her race against Capito for the Senate seat, lots of luck. She’s going to need it.
– West Virginia legislators – Large signs to be posted at every entrance to the Capitol, reading, “Don’t ask. We don’t have any money to give you what you want. Contributions welcome.”
– Moundsville officials – Real progress on redeveloping the old Fostoria Glass site in 2014.
– Mingo Junction officials – Something other than a wing and a prayer on which to run the city next year. And, should they choose to ask voters for higher taxes, lots of luck convincing laid-off steel workers to say yes.
– Steubenville Mayor Domenick Mucci and City Council – Good times, as a reward for the dedication both municipal employees and officials have shown in keeping city spending under control.
– Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev. – Loss of control of the Senate so that Republicans, grinning from ear to ear, can employ “the nuclear option.”
– Republicans running for the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives next year – Enough calculators to provide one to each registered voter in the country, for use in adding up the total number of people hurt by Obamacare and comparing it to the lower number of those who will benefit from the law.
– Voters in states where little coal is mined but half or more of the electricity is generated at coal-fired power plants – Laws requiring that electric bills project how high charges will go once Obama shuts down most of the nation’s coal-fired generating stations.
– Santa Claus – A position at the National Security Agency, so he’ll know what everyone wants.
Myer can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.