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Just Who’s Crying Now?

It is the hardest job you will ever do in your lifetime. The job does not come with an absolute instruction book. It can be the most rewarding job while sometimes breaking your heart, too. If you are a parent you know I’m talking about raising kids.

No matter how hard you prepare, no matter how much you read in books or online about child rearing, nothing prepares you for the “purple crying” when babies cry for hours on end for no apparent reason.

There is no way of knowing why a toddler refuses to sleep when you can barely keep your eyes open. And when plate after plate of vegetables and spaghetti noodles end up on the floor or in the dog’s bowl, you fear your child will never grow up for lack of proper nutrition.

All these things aside, there is nothing more gratifying than rocking a baby to sleep, or having a toddler reach for your hand to help her walk for the first time. Nothing comes close to matching that loving feeling. And it only multiplies when you become grandparents.

So why, why do I have to read this story about a man killing his infant child because the baby’s crying got on his nerves? Is there no one who could have helped the father before he reached the breaking point? And bigger yet in the hurt department: Why did a judge give a man probation after his 6 and 9-year-old kids suffered horrible abuse at his hands?

Anyone who treats children as the latter man did does not deserve the opportunity to be in their lives. Period. And how much therapy will those children need to undo the harm caused by the mistreatment? That kind of abuse does not fade. Sometimes it simmers only to erupt violently later in life.

Does anyone really believe sending daddy to an abuse prevention program is going to suddenly change him? Sorry, not much faith in that. After more than three decades in this business, I’ve had about enough of the child abuse cases where parents ­­are allowed back into the children’s lives only to have the abuse fatally repeated. Ask Sheriff Fred Abdalla. He has seen it. He has wept over it and so have I and others in the media. I may report the news, but I’m human. I see the faces of those babies in my mind every time I have to report on these disgusting crimes and wonder with all my being how anyone can hurt innocent children too young and little to defend themselves.

Parents and caregivers have to be stronger and more patient than a crying baby or back-talking child. And when it gets to be too much, it’s OK to call someone to help. It’s OK to leave the crying baby in the crib until you calm down in another room. It’s OK to cry right along with the baby because it is almost unbearable to not know what to do next. Thank you to every person who has ever reached out to stop someone from hurting a child. Thank you to teachers and bus drivers who report suspected abuse. Thank you to law enforcement officers who wrap safe arms around a child in distress. And thanks to judges who step in and prevent further abuse. I wish there were more like you.

Heather Ziegler can be reached via email at hziegler@theintelligencer.net.

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