Mommy on Trial
June 3, 2010 - Betsy Bethel
Crime: Aiding and abetting a sugarholic
Evidence: Feeding Child marshmallow cereal for breakfast and refilling her bowl ... twice. Allowing Swedish fish to be gobbled after 8 p.m. Second ice cream cone of the day request ... granted. Abetting charge stems from incident of eating marshmallow cereal with Child.
Sentence: Upon feeding Child sugary cereal breakfast in future, Mommy is sentenced to spend morning with ill-tempered Child rather than go to work and leave child in someone else's care.
Crimes: Assault with a scare tactic resulting in mental trauma, conspiracy to commit assault with a scare tactic resulting in mental trauma
Evidence: Told nail-biting/nose-picking-and-eating Child that she may be swallowing worm eggs that could hatch in her belly and come out in her poop. Encouraged family member who experienced same to tell Child of experience. Additional evidence: Child cried for days and wouldn't swallow spit, demanding to go to the doctor to get the worm eggs out and get "the pill that tastes like sidewalk chalk," which, according to family member, is what killed the worms.
Verdict: Guilty. Overruled by Judge (who also happens to be the accused). Reason: It remains to be seen if original problem behavior is eradicated — if so, all charges will be dropped.
Crime: Hating child
Evidence: Won't let Child have lollipop before breakfast. Won't let Child stay up longer after already getting to stay up late to watch end of movie. Refuses to let Child wear same outfit day in and day out without washing it. Won't let Child play in pool when a thunderstorm is coming. Won't get Child a puppy. Won't let Child eat ice cream for dinner. Gives Child time-out after Child slams door in the accused's face. Makes Child take medicine, combs the tangles out of her hair and cleans her boo-boos before putting on bandage.
Verdict: Not guilty. All evidence points, rather, to love of child (except "Won't get child a puppy," which likely will be subject of appeal).