Momsense

Bruised bodies, broken spirits

In Australia, the Pope celebrates Mass before "a representative sample" of two men and two women who were sexually abused by priests.

And here in the Ohio Valley, a former Martins Ferry pastor is accused of raping a female family member over a period of six years, while a Neffs priest remains on leave as the Guernsey County prosecutor's office investigates allegations of sexual abuse against a young girl.

Once again, I find myself asking why and wondering if anyone is safe in this messed-up world.

What lessons can parents learn from these cases? Do we trash religion and denounce our faith? Do we forbid our children from participating in youth groups and other church activities? Do we distrust everyone who professes to be Christian? Do we live in constant fear?

I can't speak for the victims and families of victims. How they deal with their anger, hatred, pain and grief is their life-long personal struggle, and I can only pray they will be surrounded by a loving support network and counselors who are trained in healing bruised bodies and broken spirits.

For the rest of us -- parents, grandparents, teachers, caregivers, aunts and uncles -- we can arm ourselves with knowledge and trust our instincts. We can realize not everyone is out to harm our children but that there are warning signs we can heed. We can understand there are some things we can do TODAY to help prevent sexual abuse against the children we love. And we can know what to do if a child tells you he or she has been sexually abused.

The following information was provided by the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. (See links for more info.)

How Can I Protect my Child?

* Tell your children that you are always there to talk about anything. Tell them that you are there to help them solve problems and to protect them.

* Teach your children that it is against the “rules” for adults to act in a sexual way with children and use examples.

* Teach your children that their bodies are their own and that it is OK if they don't want a hug or other contact that might make them uncomfortable.

* Speak to your children about using the proper names for their body parts. Armed with information, children are better able to report abuse to you.

* Try to be relaxed when talking about these issues. If you are not tense while talking about these issues, then they are less likely to be worried about talking.

* Talk to your children about sex when they show interest or curiosity.

* Teach your children it’s OK to say no and it’s OK to leave the situation.

* Tell them that if someone does something to make them uncomfortable, they should tell that person they are uncomfortable. Emphasize to them that if the person doesn't listen, doesn't stop or continues to make them feel uncomfortable, they should tell someone— a parent, teacher, priest or other trusted adult.

* Tell them if anyone touches them on the body parts that are covered by a bathing suit, then they should tell an adult they trust. Tell them it is OK to say no and to leave the situation. Tell them you can later figure out together if the person was trying to be helpful or not.

What Should I Do if a Child Discloses Abuse?

* Don't overreact.

* Believe the child and communicate that belief to him or her.

* Thank the child for telling you and praise his or her courage for speaking up.

* Emphasize that what happened to the child was not his or her fault and that the child did not deserve to be treated like that.

* Encourage the child to talk but don't push for or imply details. Ask questions such as, "what happened next?"

* Get professional help for the child.

* Tell the child that it is your responsibility to keep the child safe and that you will do the best you can to protect him or her.

* Report your suspicions of abuse to the local police or child protective services agency.

-- -- --

The YWCA Wheeling Family Violence Prevention Program has a 24-hour hotline for victims of all types of abuse, 304-232-2748.

The Sexual Assault Help Center in Wheeling also has a hotline, 800-884-7242, for any type of sexual abuse or assault.

Parents in both Ohio and West Virginia can call the above agencies to help guide them through the process if they suspect their child has been abused.

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Member Comments

View Comments: | 1-12 | Post a comment

Bluebirds60
07-29-08 4:17 PM »Report Abuse	turtlpowr, When victims and witnesses speak up, there is a chance for healing, justice, and prevention, but when they stay silent, abuse continues. Thank you, turtlpowr, for reminding folks, "there should be no hushing of these crimes."
turtlpowr
07-29-08 11:18 AM »Report Abuse	And we wonder why people, especially children, have a hard time building a relationship with God. We are supposed to trust our priests, ministers, and pastors, but how can we when we are burdened by disasters such as these? These adults and children who were and are abused by their religious leaders may feel as though God has abandoned them, and who can blame them? There should be no hushing of these crimes, and whether you are a priest or a hobo, you should have to suffer the same consequences.
Bluebirds60
07-25-08 10:41 AM »Report Abuse	SNAP Support Meeting Clergy abuse survivors, family members and supporters are welcome to attend this confidential self help group meeting. To all victims of clergy abuse, there is help and you are not alone. Please pass this info on to anyone who might benefit. Date: Monday, August 11, 2008 Time: 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm Location: Cambridge Library, Crossroads Branch. 63500 Byesville Rd. Cambridge, Ohio 43725 Contact: Judy Jones, SNAP director Southeastern Ohio, 636-433-2511 Helen Schoeppner, SNAP leader Steubenville, 740-568-8213
JaymeJones
07-23-08 11:54 PM »Report Abuse	Oh, god. Enough, already.
Bluebirds60
07-23-08 11:49 AM »Report Abuse	continued: As a result of the news media, a victim of Brown found me, and said that he had filed a complaint of abuse against Brown in 2001. So as you can see, Steubenville Kurt Kemo lied to me, and the cover up is still going on. This is why the sex abuse within the Catholic Church is so prevalent. By keeping the abusers safeguarded, the statute of limitations expire, so they are never removed from the environment and therefore kids are still at risk. Thank you, Judy Jones 636-433-2511
Bluebirds60
07-23-08 11:49 AM »Report Abuse	JaymeJones, you are absolutely correct. There is abuse in all professions. The problem with the sex abuse within the Catholic Church is that the hierarchy has enabled the abuse to fester and multiply. They have worried more about avoiding scandal than about the lives of innocent kids. They have systematically covered up this abuse, moved abusive priests out of area into another parish to therefore abuse more children. They have paid off victims and made them sign a gag order. They have repeatedly told victims that they are the only one who was ever abused by a priest. In fact, when I called the Steubenville diocese vicar general, Kemo, in 2003, I asked him point blank if there had ever been any complaints of abuse against Fr Robert A Brown of Woodsfield? He said “NO’.. In Aug. 2006, after the diocese released the complaint of credible abuse against Brown that occurred in 1976-1978, I made the trip to Ohio, did a press conference reaching out to any other victims of Brown.
Georgetwin
07-23-08 10:47 AM »Report Abuse	JaymeJones, you are correct. HOWEVER, for Teachers or Priests to molest children IMPLIES a concentrated effort/plan to supply oneself with an endless stream of victims.
JaymeJones
07-23-08 8:03 AM »Report Abuse	Yes, bluebird, there have been priests who abuse children. There have also been teachers, doctors, lawyers, McDonald's workers, judges...you name the group, there have been people who have been abusive. However, I would dare to say that the number of priests who sexually abuse children are in the very low minority, but groups like yours seem to make the impression that there are child-molesting priests in every parish. Most priests would never, ever dream of abusing a child and most priests strongly condemn it. But there are sick people in every segment of society, not just in the priesthood.
williamrozar
07-22-08 6:46 AM »Report Abuse	It is a problem. I read this and find that it is solve as early as possible. _____________________________ william rozar <a href="***********addictionrecovery****/pennsylvania">Addiction Recovery Pennsylvania</a>
Momma2Alex
07-21-08 10:05 PM »Report Abuse	Great blog, Betsy. Don't forget though, children are nearly always sexually abused by someone they know, love and trust. It is for this reason that we MUST give our children permission to "be rude" to an adult if they are uncomfortable. We teach our children to show respect to our friends, relatives and even adults that are strangers. Many times, children don't speak up because of a perceived notion that they will get in trouble for being rude to the adult. Children sometimes don't trust their instincts and should be reminded that everyone has a "gut feeling" and to always trust it. Better safe than sorry!
Bluebirds60
07-21-08 8:31 PM »Report Abuse	Betsy, Thank you so much for bringing attention to the sex abuse within the catholic church and any religion for that matter. Also, the title "Bruised bodies, broken spirits" that you created for this story on this blog, says it all. Yes, the sexual abuse is horrific, but what it does to a person's spirit has been called 'soul murder'.. that is what makes this kind of abuse so sad. Also, the mind set of those who are in denial and who can not believe that their good loving priest could do such an awful thing to a child, is even more disturbing. Sometimes victims are treated even worse, if they come forward with their abuse by a priest, by those parishioners who just can not believe it. Hopefully more education about this subject will help many to come to an understanding that "yes, priest do sexually abuse kids". We are working hard to stop this abuse and to protect innocent children and vulnerable adults. Thank you, Judy Jones, SNAP Director Southeastern Ohio
Rusty1
07-21-08 3:57 PM »Report Abuse	Just remember that these heinous sins belong to the perpetrators not God. As Mattie Appleyard said in Fools Parade "God uses the good ones and the bad ones use God."

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