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Just The Meat, Please.

July 27, 2009 - Joselyn King
After scanning the vending booths at last week's Upper Ohio Valley Italian Heritage Festival, I considered all the choices -- pizza, chicken on a stick, beef tips. . .sausage --- and finally decided on just what it was I wanted to savor.

I decided on a crab cake, despite the fact it cost $8.

I saw the vendor take a plate begin to heap a bed of salad on it. Couldn't have been my order, I assumed. But then I was the only one standing there.

I spoke out as he started to put the crab cake atop the pile of green gobbley-gook drenched in some kind of yellow slime I didn't order. "Dump it," I told him. "Just the crab cake, please."

Now before anyone says I passed on the healthy part of this meal, let me point out that that slimey salad dressing left on the plate cannot be healthy. You can't convince me of that.

Point is. . .it should be my choice whether I want salad. And I don't, so why am I paying for it?

It's like when you order a steak at a restaurant, and the waitress asks if you want French or Italian dressing.

"," is my answer. "How about some mushrooms?"

"That will cost an extra $1.50," she answered. Sometimes they'll bring them anyway and not tell you. Love those restaurants that will bring me a bowl of savory potato soup at no extra charge.

And what about at that popular hoagie shop in which you must play a game of 20 questions, and all you want is lunch. "What kind of bread? Toasted or regular? What kind of cheese? What toppings?"

All I want is some turkey and cheese on a wheat roll. And that's a really thin amount of turkey. Can you throw another slice on?

"No. That's $5.50, please." I don't eat there often. I'll make my own sandwiches.

The meat-a-tarians of the world have to unite.


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