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The Importance Of Friendships

Remember the words to the Beatles’ song “I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.” Ask anyone who has gone through a divorce, a death, a serious illness, or the loss of a job–one thing you are likely to hear about is the importance of friendships.

Much has been written about the benefits of a strong support system to one’s health. Research shows that the presence of a support system is linked to reduced risk of hospital re-admissions in cardiac cases. My graduate school research paper supported the importance of support systems in the recovery of the alcoholic/addict and, just as I suspected, those patients with a support system did better in recovery.

In his book, “Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford To Live Without,” (don’t you love the title of his book), Tom Rath of the Gallup Organization reports on a massive study of friendship that he undertook alongside several leading researchers. His work resulted in some surprising statistics: If your best friend eats healthily, you are more likely to have a healthy diet yourself.

In a “forced choice” survey, married people say friendship is more than important than intimacy within marriage. Those who say they have no real friends at work are less likely to feel engaged in their job.

There are numerous studies about what employees say is important. Boston Consulting Group, which surveyed over 200,000 people, is one of the most comprehensive studied.

Unlike previous studies which pointed to flexibility or salary as the top factor for job happiness, BCG found that good relationships with colleagues was the #2 factor for employee happiness on the job (the #1 factor was getting appreciated for their work). Salary was EIGHTH on the list of important factors.

While many friendship studies focus on the relationships of women, research shows that men can benefit, too. In a six-year study of 736 middle-age men, the risk of heart attack and fatal coronary heart disease was affected by having friendships. Only smoking was as important a risk factor as lack of social support.

I had the pleasure of attending the Ohio County Relay For Life–and, if a picture is worth a thousand words, this is the picture of the importance of friendships. It is touching, even emotional, to see survivors and their families and friends encouraging and supporting one another as they fight the battle against cancer.

The survivors may not know one another personally but they have in common that they live with cancer and they know how important it is to be there for one another, celebrating the victories, and even honoring those who lost the fight.

You heard people tell of their diagnosis, remissions, treatments, their disappointments and hopes and the effects upon their families and friends. All in all, it was real life and “real life” includes cancer.

Hardly anytime went by before you heard someone say, “I couldn’t have gotten through it without my family, my friends, my coworkers, my lunch group, my dance group.”

The people who held up the patient when they couldn’t stand on their own. Who cried with them and laughed with them and shouted for joy when there was good news. They know first-hand that a person’s state of mind can help or hinder the progression of a variety of health issues, including cancer. The participants of Relay For Life have figured it out–they do not walk alone–and this was the message in the walk and in the talk there.

According to Madeline R. Vann, MPH, “The Importance of Friendships,” spending time with friends yields long-term physical and emotional health benefits. Strong social connections have been linked to such benefits as lowered risk of depression and early death, greater pain tolerance, a stronger immune system and reduced physical signs of stress.

Maintaining social relationships should rank up there with healthy eating and exercise as necessary to good health.

Here are some of the other findings of Ms. Vann:

Happiness is catching.

A study of 4,739 adults who participated in the Framingham Heart Study between 1983 and 2003 showed that people tend to cluster into happy or unhappy groups. If you have a friend you consider to be happy, you are more likely to be happy.

Building a circle of friends makes you happy.

People who see themselves as included in their social circle are happier than those who see themselves as outsiders (another reason why it is important to take an active role in building relationships instead of waiting for someone else to make the first move).

Friends lessen grief.

A series of interviews with parents who lost a baby during pregnancy or immediately after birth showed that those who felt they had support from friends or family were better able to cope with their grief.

The most welcome forms of support were simply being physically present, listening, and offering condolences, encouragement, and practical help, such as making meals or visitation arrangements. Contrary to beliefs about saying “the right thing,” platitudes and advice were not helpful to the grieving parents.

Socially-engaged adults find aging more enjoyable.

According to surveys of women over age 60, those who are socially engaged and visit with friends and family throughout the week are happier as they age.

Friends can help you achieve your weight and fitness goals.

Association with individuals who value fitness and health results in your own better health. Encouragement and just sharing goes a long way to boosting your willpower.

The participants of Relay For Life have figured it out–they are not walking alone. They know that the best thing to hold onto in life is each other. (Audrey Hepburn).

Sandra Street, MA, LPC, is a board certified counselor in Mental Health and Addictions. She is in private practice in Wheeling.

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