It is said that the only thing permanent is change, that change is inevitable. Some changes are relatively simple — even enjoyable — but what about when the change is painful and requires a great deal of effort?

There may be people trying to “sell” the change to you, such as your spouse or your parents, and they will focus on all the reasons to change. But, on some level, you may know there are going to be difficulties involved in making the change, and there may be a part of you that wants to resist change. It may help to be familiar with some of the reasons why we resist change. A blog called Coaching Positive Performance published an article titled “9 reasons why you resist change.” The rest of this column is based on the points made in that post.

When you make a change in your life –whether it has been decided by you or someone else — there is hard work and a period of adjustment required. The inability to delay gratification until the change is complete is one of the major reasons that people resist change. Some people find it difficult to focus on the bigger picture, the purpose behind the change.

Not knowing where to start is a common excuse to resist change. A tendency to over-analyze and fear of making a mistake may stop you from getting started. Sometimes just taking action, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, will set the change in motion. Even if it’s the wrong move, many times we learn what works after we complete the process of finding out what doesn’t work.

You may not see yourself as capable of making the change. Your self-talk tells you it is foolish to try for that promotion. Can you visualize yourself as the person you are trying to become? It’s much easier to continue to see yourself where you are.

Add to this, your long-held belief that “this is just the way I am; I’ve always been this way” and change seems beyond your reach. The behaviorists believe that behavior is learned. Behavior is not who you are, it is something that can be changed.

People who resist change often do so by attempting to place responsibility for the change onto someone else. For example, “I will quit smoking if you quit smoking.” “I will go to meetings if you go to meetings.” In these instances, the responsibility for the change is placed on the other person. Any failure provides an excuse to quit and blame it on the other person.

Fear of uncertainty and fear of making a mistake are reasons people resist change. There is no guarantee that any change will work. If you want to make a change, you probably have gathered the evidence that the anxiety provoked by this old behavior is worse than the anxiety provoked when you make a move toward change.

When you have spent a great deal of time in a situation like a relationship or a job, it may feel like you are throwing the investment away when you choose to make a change, thus causing you to resist it. Rather than focus on all you have put into the situation, focus on what you have learned and the opportunities you will have as a result of making the change.

And a bottom-line thought: Maybe you don’t really want to change. You may even want to give the impression that you are trying to change (for example, to get your partner off your back) or it may be that you try to save a relationship on which you have already given up. Out of respect for the other person or because you want to claim that you tried to save the relationship, you are willing to go through the motions. However, you are not committed, so there is little chance of making a successful change.

If you are willing to stick with a situation that you know doesn’t work for you, there is usually some payoff influencing you to resist change. At the root of the payoff is the fear of what you might lose if you made the change; i.e., you would like to be assertive, but it gets you sympathy and attention to be passive and you enjoy it.

Identify the ways in which you are benefiting from the situation that you know doesn’t work for you. If you fail to manage your thinking around these payoffs, you can easily resist or sabotage your efforts to change.

You can identify some of the key ways in which you might attempt to resist change. You can then address these issues to help make a smoother transition.

Sandra Street is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Wheeling. She has more than 30 years experience in the mental health field.