I am a mother. The job description for this position is extensive. I am the finder of everything. I am the social coordinator. I am the cook, the maid, the nanny, the tutor, the scapegoat and the worrier. That barely touches the surface.

I am also one of two people responsible for the academic socialization that occurs in our family. Yes, you read that correctly. Academic socialization. Social scientists and psychologists had to come up with a technical name for it so you would believe it is important. Academic socialization is our parental influence on school adjustment and academic outcomes.

How we feel about school affects our children. You can understand how it affects the way we set up the home learning environment – the learning space, the homework ritual, homework help, etc. It actually goes beyond this. The way we talk about learning and our school experiences can affect how well our children do in school.

This is what I studied when I had the chance to be a learner again thanks to the Klingenstein Fellowship. I have been in education for 25-plus years, and I had never even encountered this term or this notion of a parent’s attitude being so influential. Now that I am looking for it, I see it everywhere.

When my husband and I talked about our school experiences, we tended to discuss our sports, our friends and our experiences. Rarely did we talk about our learning. When I razz him for reading more Cliffs notes than novels, I think nothing of its effect on my girls. When he laughs that he did very well with just chapter synopses, he doesn’t consider the girls’ perspectives. Remember this: The children are listening.

We know that our reading in front of them helps our children become better readers. It turns out our discussing how hard we worked on a term paper or how much we loved conversing in French makes them better learners, too.

This is particularly true in math. Last week, the New York Times (Aug. 24) shared a new study that shows math anxiety is contagious from one generation to the next. The more we say, “I’m not a math person,” or “This math homework is crazy,” the worse our children will do in class. The article states, “The more the math-anxious parents tried to work with their children, the worse their children did in math, slipping more than a third of a grade level behind their peers. And the children’s weaker math achievements increased their nascent math anxiety.”

Our anxiety or low confidence is contagious. Three years ago, we made a deal among the teachers at Wheeling Country Day School that no one was allowed to say, “I’m not a math person,” or excuse away math errors. Turns out there is solid research behind that pact.

It doesn’t change the fact that the math homework our children have might be too hard for us parents to easily help them, but we have to change the way we talk about school and learning in front of our children.

The academic socialization that is going on in any home is based on a parent’s perceptions, experiences and beliefs about her own schooling and learning. That makes it hard for teachers and schools. If a parent wasn’t a good student, we have an uphill battle to fight for positive academic socialization for a child.

All is not lost, though, for researchers tell us that a “school atmosphere that is open, trusting and inviting is conducive to building healthy relationships among children, their families and the school setting,” impacting the academic socialization and the student’s opportunities for smoother transitions and better academic outcomes.

We need to be cognizant that our children are listening. Let’s allow them to attend to something positive about learning … or teaching … or coaching. It matters.

Allow me, then, to add to my job description – reader, budding scientist, mathematician … learner.

Elizabeth Hofreuter-Landini is head of school at Wheeling Country Day. She is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard University Graduate School of Education. She and her husband have two daughters, ages 7 and 11.